SO YOU THINK YOU KNOW ENGLISH...

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22) The sign over the board was still lighted when the game was over.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor
pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or
French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads,
which aren't sweet, are meat

Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is
neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write
but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If
the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One
goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? Doesn't it seem crazy that you
ca n make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and
ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an
odd, or an end? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a
vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what
language do people recite at a play and play at a recital, Ship by
truck and send cargo by ship, Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man
and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in
which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes
off by going on.

English was invented by peopl e, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
lights are out, they are invisible.

Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?


Then there is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meaning than any
other two-letter word, and that is the word "UP".


It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of
the list, but when we waken in the morning, why do we wake UP?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are
the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to
write UP a report?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP
the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock
UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir
UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is
stopped UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable of the proper uses of UP, look UP the word in the
dictionary. In a desk size dictionary, takes UP almost 1/4th the page
and definitions add UP to about thirty.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways
UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give
UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.
When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.

When it rains, it wets UP the earth. When it doesn't rain for awhile,
things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, because now my time is UP.
I'll shut UP now!

Now it is UP to you to do whatever you want to do with Up.